My Awesomely Awesome weekend

On Thursday I had the pleasure of picking up my friend Amanda from the train.  She was in town for a few days and planned on spending the night with me.  This meant I got to take Ellie on the metro which, for her, is equivalent to me hijacking the ice cream truck and letting her eat till she pukes.

Back at the house Ellie took a nap because she had exhausted herself from the sheer ecstasy of riding the train and screaming, TRAAAAIIIIINNNNNN!  Being told how adorable you are every 15 seconds must wear one out too.  Amanda and I sipped on Earl Grey out of my fine ($5 at an estate sale) china and pretended to act like civilized ladies.  Although I had to pepper the conversation with an occasional gynecological reference or potty word.

When Jeremy came home we grilled some burgers and Amanda proved in record time that she has in fact  surpassed my former drinking abilities.  She was all, Is that still your FIRST glass of wine?  I'm almost done with my second.  And I was all, that smells like a challenge.  So, with Jeremy and Ellie in bed we proceeded to down two bottles of wine and wax drunkenly philosophical.  It was during this time that I discovered something I never knew about Amanda.  She has a small addiction to scratch off lottery tickets.  WHO WON A DOLLAR?  Who who?

*Internet, THIS is how we roll on a Thursday night without Survivor, or CSI, or Grey's Anatomy

The next morning I awoke with a headache and feelings of regret, because although I hadn't embarrassed the hell out of myself like I used to do in my heinous years, I still don't like feeling hungover.  And then there was Amanda.  Who jumped out of bed practically ready to leave the house and smelling like flowers.  

We decided to head to Georgetown to have some lunch and walk around.  We had to drive because Amanda had her giant suitcase full of dead bodies that we had to haul around.  So I googled the directions to Jeremy's base in DC because I had to steal the bank card from him.  We made it there and he came out in his lab coat and scrubs and I was all, I LOVE YOU BILL NYE!

* As you can see from the blurriness of this photo and the look of glee on Amanda's face, we had been left alone with far too much wine.

So then he explains that if we just take M street all the way down it will pop us out in Georgetown.  Easy breezy. DUN DUN DUN  Famous last words if ever any were spoken.

So this is about the beginning of my hatred for driving in this city.  M street would go for awhile and then all of the sudden, BAM you're on effing K street and I'm all ummmm excuse me, can you tell us how to get to Georgetown?  And then the directions would inevitably be, oh, just take M street and you'll be there.  And then M street would split and turn again.  After the third time of asking directions, nearly running out of gas and being honked at, my head started to spin around and had I any crucifixes they would have been hurled.

* And she wonders why he's in love with her?  Letting him lick you is tantamount to him flogging her with his tail and barking "Who's your Daddy?"

Just as I was about to ask directions for the fourth time, Amanda looked up and said, oh look, we're here.  So we had finally made it.  We had a lovely lunch together and browsed some of the shops in the blazing heat.  Soon after I had to take her to meet her husband at their hotel about a mile away.  I dropped her off, and made my way home on the interstate.  I thought, it won't be that bad, it's only 3:00.  And then I saw the traffic.  There are not enough DUNs to describe what looking at the cars inch along felt like.  When it was all said and done it had taken me three hours to get home.  A distance of about 19 miles.  You think you have experienced road rage?  Not until you've driven in that.  That was worse than anything I had ever seen.

We ate some pizza and I slipped into a coma and dreamed of endless, empty expanses of road with no cars as far as the eye could see.

Also this weekend my dear Husband stood in line for four hours so I could get the new iPhone.  My old cell phone has been shorting out on me, and he decided that it was a good time to get a new one.  Let me just say, UHHHHHHHHH I LUVVVVV IT!  I have pretty much been walking around like a zombie teenager on drugs for the past two days admiring all of the spectacular things this phone could do.  Right now I am trying to think of some pretty words that would adequately describe how awesome this phone is, but all I can do grunt in approval for the magnitude of it's coolness.  Get one, you'll thank me.